Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Day 24

All of the Hair Erin Cut Off. :)

I haven't written in my blog in a week, so If my thoughts are short and scattered, I'm so sorry. The reason I've been so MIA, is because I literally haven't even stepped out of the house until yesterday, my birthday. Let me start from where I left off though.. that might make a little more sense and be easier to read. :) On wednesday I had my first day of chemotherapy. I'm not sure what I'd expected, but It was definitely an experience. Kristin and I got there at 9AM, and did not get out of there until about 4:30. It was a long 7 hour day full of emotions and... well, hot chocolate. I drank about 4 cups of hot chocolate and A LOT of water while I was there. Kristin is now a pro at working that hot chocolate machine. ;) The room I had Chemo in was filled with lounge chairs, and each were only a foot apart. I'm pretty sure they did that so you can talk to people you can relate to, since It is of course 5+ hours of sitting. I met this sweet older gentleman named Richard who I quickly realized reminded me of my sweet Grandpa. I felt so much comfort in having him there. Richard told me corny jokes while they inserted the needle into my port, which by the way, did not feel lovely, and just distracted me when I began to freak out. I also met this AMAZING girl named Alissa. I'm going to make her read this later, haha.. Hopefully she just skips to this part to see how highly I think of her. :) The second she walked into that room, It just lit up, and I'm so happy she sat next to me, because that girl is such an inspiration. We were definitely the youngest people in the room, and that felt a little awkward, but It was so comforting to hear her story, and to have her there for support. I asked her probably more questions than I'd like to admit, haha, but she was so eager to answer, and just sincerely cared about me and what I was going through. She is going to look SO gorgeous at prom this Friday. Love you girl.. I better get a text with all of the details of how it went! You're going to have so much fun. :) I have 3-4 different types of Chemo I do while I'm there. Basically they give me a shot, poke me in my port, take blood, and then connect me to a bag of chemicals. My monitor beeps when each bag is used up, and I'm pretty sure I had about 6 bags. Some of the bags were just fluids, etc. I had the choice to leave the needle in my port, OR have them take it out, and then re-poke me the next day for fluids. I decided to just have them leave the needle in me over night, so they bandaged me up and left it in. Afterwards I felt okay, just VERY tired sluggish. I slept pretty terribly, but considering I had a million thoughts running through my head, and a needle in me, It really wasn't too bad. On thursday I went in again and sat in the same room for fluids, which took exactly 2 hours. I still felt tired and sluggish, but that was pretty much it. On Friday Kristin picked me up, and I spent the day with her wonderful family.. I am so blessed to even know them! I took a nap here and there, but did my best to stay awake. I'm beginning to see that the exhaustion isn't something I can just fight.. When I'm tired, I have to go to sleep right away. Wow, I am getting so impatient with this music! Haha, every 30 seconds of writing I skip a song in my itunes. I think I'm in a country mood.. Hello Rascal Flatts. :) This song always reminds me of Rebekah Laughridge.. "God Bless the Broken Road", because she could play it perfectly on the piano. Okay, the band in general reminds me of her. Miss you Bam-Bam. :) Sorry, so distracted lately. Now, back to friday.. My sweet friend Erin Ware cut my hair off. I was in the shower that morning, and felt little pieces already falling out, so she suggested just cutting it short so It wouldn't be so hard when It did fall out. My hair is now just barely touching my shoulders. :) I never thought I'd cut my hair until I became a mommy.. Well I'm definitely not that yet, but I think being a chemo patient is a pretty good excuse as well. :) I'll post pictures asap. On Friday afternoon I started feeling sick, so I guess my body was finally starting to get attacked my all of the chemicals. Saturday morning my mom, grandma, and sister Christina came over. By then I was having trouble getting up without feeling nauseous, so I was stuck in bed allllll day. They all cleaned out my fridge, Christina talked to me and was wonderful company, my Grandma folded and put away A BUNCH of laundry for me, my mom made me very thick soup(she failed to add a cup of water to it, like the directions tell you to do, hahahaha), but the soup was good, and they were all so helpful! Things went down hill from there. I got these really bad mouth sores, and couldn't eat or drink anything, so the DR prescribed this awesome mouth wash, and by Sunday morning they were feeling much better. Frustrating enough, my jaw and head began throbbing on Sunday. I took so many pain meds, that my white board I write everything on was completely filled with the name of meds and times I took them. I went from feeling like a 5 on saturday, to feeling like a 2 on sunday. I've never had a real migraine until now. I couldn't handle ANY noises, light, or quick movement. The sound of our xbox even drove me crazy. Monday morning I tried taking a shower, but after less than 60 seconds, I couldn't hear anything, I had terribly blurred vision, and I barely made it to the bed. Monday night Jake helped me get up and we sat on our back porch; listening to the rain hit the trees. I truly enjoy the pinging sound of it hitting the roof, and the light dripping of the rain drops sliding off of the leaves. I could suddenly feel myself getting better by the second. After sitting out there for a good 30 minutes, I started getting dizzy and had to come in, but It was SO worth it. :) On tuesday morning I was woken up by my best friend kissing me on the head saying happy birthday. Did I ever mention how much I LOVE my husband? Wow, I sit here and think about how It would feel to be loved by anyone else in the world, and I get sick to my stomach. I just couldn't imagine being loved by someone more wonderful than my sweet jacob. Being married through all of this is just one of the biggest blessings of all. The idea of going through this without my best friend with me at all times is just a painful thought. I am so in love, and I love it! Okay, mushy part over.. I just like to document everything I feel throughout all of this, so someday I can look back amazed at what God has done in my life! Sadly my hubby had to work from 7am-4pm. On Tuesday I was feeling even worse, but was pretty stinking determined to get better. I had to take Bella(our sweet puppy.. well, kind of a puppy.. she's 2 now, haha) out to go to the bathroom, and my legs were so weak from not being able to get around the past few days, that I almost tumbled down the stairs. To say the least, we ARE moving to a 1st floor apartment.. We will find a way to make It happen, because 3 flights of stairs just isn't going to work. I was so blessed when my wonderful friend Jenna happened to call on sunday asking If she could take me to breakfast on Tuesday, so that just worked out perfectly. Excited to get out of the house, I was trying to rest up that morning, and kept moving to a minimum. I was praying and doing my devotions, when I just got to a point where I couldn't stop crying. God was so perfect and awesome to help me see how blessed I am to have cancer. God allowed ME to have this gift? Wow, It began to blow my mind that he would let me have this disease, so I could witness to others. I'm still in shock from that realization, and will do my best to carry this gift with Gods name written all over it, because though It seems like a blessing in disguise, It truly is such a huge blessing. I went to breakfast at I can't seem to remember where, haha, and had 3 huge honkin chocolate chip pancakes, and these delicious zucchini sandwiches.. Don't laugh; They were delicious. :) My memory seems to be going down hill, but they said that's normal, so please bare with me here. A sweet friend from my work stopped by with 2 cards, an incredible gift, and a chocolate wave with a candle in it.. It's my favorite desert at red lobster, hehe. That was a huge blessing and just sweet that they even thought of me on my birthday! I miss them so much. I rested up until Jake got home around 4. He walked in with a bunch of roses, and my heart melted. Yup, I'm blessed. At 6:30 we met up with my sisters, mom, and grandparents for dinner at Macaroni Grill(last minute venue change), and I was just so happy to see everyone. I started feeling really dizzy and had to leave pretty quickly out of no where, so that was probably the most frustrating part of the day. The second I got to the parking lot I couldn't stop crying. My poor husband just held me, not knowing what was wrong, but I did my best to explain. I was just looking forward to sitting around and talking with everyone, and then out of no where I felt like I was going to pass out and throw up all at once, and my head began to pound again. It really does come out of no where, and It being my birthday, I just kinda got lost in frustration and needed to shed a few tears. I wish I had a do-over, because that was not how I wanted to end my birthday, but I'm just thankful I made it through dinner.. That alone was a battle that God VERY much so helped me win. :) Today I have an appointment at 1:30 at Dr. Reynolds office, and my grandpa will be picking me up in about 30 minutes, so this note must come to an end. I have chemotherapy again a week from today, so I'm hoping I don't react as badly as I did this time. Thank you so much to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, celebrated with me, blessed me with gifts, and just showed me they cared.. You all are so wonderful and the best support system I could've asked for. I love you all and will be writing again soon. :)

With Love,
    Brittany Mae <3


  1. Brittany!! First, foremost, and most importantly of all... YOU ARE THE MOST INSPIRING PERSON I HAVE EVER MET. I really do love how detailed you write and how I can follow you on this journey. YOU give me strength every time I read one of your blogs. God is doing amazing things through you through this time and he's showing me so much through YOU. YOU ARE AN AMAZING LADY!! I love you sooo much, Brittany!! Praying for you everyday!!!

  2. Praying for you Brittany! I am in awe of your strength. What an inspiration you are to so many!

  3. Brittany, you are such an inspiration and testimony! I love you dearly and am beyond blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

  4. Brittany, when I read what you wrote about what God is teaching you, It reminded me how much bigger our GOD is than this cancer. The fact that you are a young person, but are beyond your years in Faith is an inspiration. You are showing that you trust God in His plan for your life, no matter the challenge laid before you! I love you so much and I am blessed by your presence in my life.


  5. I have to agree with everyone else and say how inspiring you are. I like to think that if I ever had to carry a burden like this, that I would have the same outlook, but I just don't know. You are so strong and you amaze me when I read about how you feel that this is a blessing. Thank you for writing on here so we can pray for you.